Dumping Santa

This is a work in progress but I wanted to post it in time for Christmas. You’re welcome.  Bah Humbug. 

(This poem doesn’t mention capitalism so it’s legal to read it in a school. *)

So I said to Santa ‘Get out of my house!
You’ve got the sack, now leave.’
I can see right through your little outfit
Let’s just say I no longer believe

You turn up here once a year
Uninvited, with at least six deer
Creep around then disappear
I’m starting to question your choice of career

You’re all over us in October
Raising our expectations
But you’re not man enough for when January’s tough
With the debts and the desperation

You promised things we can’t afford
By Boxing Day the kids are bored
You’ve no idea when you’re not around
What it’s like to live here on the ground

You groom my kids with your adverts
Get them to sit on your knee
And while they’re enthralled in the shopping mall
You implant your philosophy

‘What you want is more stuff
No such thing as enough,
Good children are loaded
It’s the same thing as love’

Well those are not our values
I’ll tell you that for free 
Give me truth and kindness, sleep and sunlight
Peace and equality

The gifts you give don’t even last
Just drop them straight in the landfill as you’re flying past.
It’s all such a waste, throwing so much away
Trashing our planet for the sake of one day

So, No! I don’t want your plastic tat,
I won’t decorate another dying tree
You can keep your grotty grotto
But I’ve set your reindeer free!
And I know who does all the work backstage
Pay those elves restocking shelves a real living wage!

‘Lets calm down’ said Santa ‘and focus on you
Have a chocolate coin or two.
So, individual morality, are you good or bad this year let’s see
You’d have to be brave to get your kids to behave without any help from me’

I’m trying hard to give my children roots and wings
And skills and resilience for whatever life brings
Warmth and encouragement, trips to the swings
I don’t need you to tell me how to give good things

If we’ve got enough to pay the rent,
Some for food and fun, we could be content
We’ve got friends and neighbours, good community support
We need more trees and bees, fresh air, clean seas – things that can’t be bought

Your gut tells me that constant consumption’s not healthy
Your greed is going to cost the earth to benefit the wealthy
In Nature you don’t get unlimited growth
Except when it’s cancer, and it’s killing its host

I want to discuss what’s right and wrong
And how this system can’t last for long
Stop shaking the snow globe! We need something new
But you stop us seeing clearly what we have to do

It’s not in your interest to make us aware,
But I know there are fairer solutions out there
Basic income, Project Drawdown, Donut Economics and Mothers of invention
Citizen’s assemblies with real power, Climate Emergency Bill Legislation

Solutions, creations and innovations,
Restoration beyond that zero carbon goal
You’re no use here if your best idea is
Give every bad kid a lump of coal

Then Santa shows his true colours
His face changes to match his suit.
Filled with rage his fake laughter fades
He raises his voice and puts in the boot

‘I represent the 1%
And they won’t tolerate dissent
Shareholders don’t want sharing, caring and swapping

It’s too late Santagate you’ve been exposed
Get out of here, unless you want to match that deer with a bloody nose.
We were conned by your fluffy white collar crime
You fleeced us all – you should be doing time. 

You are out of control
Go on home to the pole
You’ve lost your moral compass
Take a good look in your soul

Be on your way, get on your sleigh
You’re going to wake the neighbours with your Christmas display
But before you go and silhouette yourself against the dawn
You’d better clean that deer poo off my lawn.


©tamingtheoctopus 2020

* ‘Teaching material calling for end of capitalism banned from schools as ministers brand it ‘extreme’’


All the best poems come with a page of references:

Donut Economics by Kate Raworth  –  Donut Economics Ted Talk

Climate and Ecological Emergency Bill  – www.ceebill.uk

Project Drawdown – www.drawdown.org

Universal Basic Income – Rutger Bregman Universal Basic Income TED Talk

Mothers of Invention podcast – www.mothersofinvention.online

Citizens Assemblies – www.xrcitizensassembly.uk/about-citizens-assemblies/

I’ve always pictured this poem as an animation, on primetime TV,  in between the Christmas adverts.  So if you know anyone who wants to make my Christmas wish come true, get in touch via the contact page …